Friday, July 04, 2008

Last night, I cried.

…jealousy creeps in whenever my daughter prefers her nanny over me and last night it happened again.

After our favorite TV show, she cried for no reason. She keeps on shouting “ahkit…face…” I know that whenever she cries that a part of her body is in pain, she just wants me to kiss her. And I did but still she cried and cried harder. She even pushed me when I tried to calm her and instead call for her nanny. I can’t help but get jealous…So I gave up. I went inside our room, turn off the lights and lied down. She followed me but just to asked me for her “baby” and her pillow. Since I feel like crying I ignored her and brushed off her hands. She left and went to her nanny. I was really crying na when she came back (because her nanny told her so), I still ignored her. She cried calling my attention…I can’t stand her cries so I get up and hugged her. She stopped crying and suddenly asked me to kiss her nose, her chin, her eyes and lips. After that, she placed her stuffed toys beside her then I tucked her to bed.

The more I experience times like this, the more I feel the guilt of leaving her to a nanny. The more I feel dejected that I am not with her 24/7…The more I feel like quitting my job and just be there for her.

Hubby also wanted me to quit my job so I that I can focus on our daughter, but not until our finances are stable. Not until we're certain that his salary will be able sustain us. But honestly I’m on the verge of thinking of giving up my work just to be a full time mom... and I am really praying for that.


Vannie said...

hi mhay, this story is so heartbreaking...sana all will end well, ako din naman eh..i feel like stopping working but hirap din eh..

haii, hang in there.^_^